living like this...is a full-time business

# February 6, 2012 / 6:40PM 343 notes

via footagenotfound:

Yesterday during the Super Bowl, a game that features dozens of overgrown men in spandex attempting to violently murder each other for three straight hours, the unthinkable happened. Some British lady extended her middle finger in the direction of a camera, an action that was clearly directed towards the legion of children who weren’t watching or paying attention, who have no idea what the middle finger even means, and brought Western Civilization to its knees. America’s ad hoc President of Funsies, Tim Winter of the Parents Television Council, immediately put on his butthurt manpants and issued a whiny statement that included the following line:

“M.I.A. used a middle finger shamelessly to bring controversial attention to herself, while effectively telling an audience filled with children, ‘F— you.’”

When reached for comment on being told to fuck off by M.I.A., 7-year-old Jayden Applestix Thomas had this to say, “I didn’t watch the halftime show because I’m 7.”

While flipping an entire planet the bird is, at worst, kinda lame, I don’t think it even registered on my list of offensive things that happened on February 5, 2012. In no particular order, here are some things that were more offensive that happened during the game:

Steven Tyler and Rush Limbaugh were hanging out together.

Teams from Boston and New York were involved and we all had to pretend to care.

That super racist, anti-Asian commerical that asshole Senate candidate from Michigan aired.

Tim Tebow wasn’t asked to give the pregame prayer live on Fox News.

None of us prayed enough for Tom Brady.

Oh, did I mention that super racist, anti-Asian commerical that asshole Senate candidate from Michigan aired?

Eli Mannings face.

I ran out of beer at halftime. (Really, that was my fault, but still. OFFENDED)!

Go Daddy’s continued existence.

Oh, and before I forget, that super racist, anti-Asian commerical that asshole Senate candidate from Michigan aired.

I’m also mad that:

Nicki Minaj didn’t get more time in the halftime show

At 53, Madonna looks better than I do

I learned Kelly Clarkson AND Taylor Swift now have the same haircut as me

My Super Bowl party guests roped me into watching The Voice after the game

I don’t have cable so I didn’t get to watch the Puppy Bowl

For next year’s halftime show we should just get Josh Groban to sing Kanye West tweets.